| i've been really antisocial ever since I got back to austin. I think about calling people to hang out...but then i don't. There's just so much that I have going on in my mind that i feel like if i hung out with anyone I would just sit there and think....and bore them to death. I feel like I'm in this weird in between stage of being young and old and I have no idea how to cope with it. I think that's why I loved being home so much. All the people I hung out with were younger than me and it gave me a reason to be young too. Now i've moved into this apartment...it's a big transition and it freaks me out. I've finally left my home. And my dogs really sick...so that's weighing really heavy on my head...when I left yesterday i thought that this may be the last time I see her. yes, I know she's just a dog...but she's not to me. I've had her for 12 years and I'm an only child...so she was always with me in the backyard when I was playing..or there when i was crying about something. wow...i sound cheesy! anyways...I guess i'm just not myself right now. I feel like I'm just a zombie that's walking around and doing what everyone tells me to do. I just hope this feeling goes away soon. |
| |
| new york was better the second time. new jersey is beautiful. alphagraphics is a pretty fun store...as long as you know how to do it right. |
| |
| One More Night~Stars
Try as he might he's unable to speak
He grabs her by the hair, he strokes her on the cheek
The bed is unmade like everything is
Dark little heaven at the top of the stairs
Take me like that, ruin it all
Then build it again by the light in the hall
He drops to his knees says please my love, please
I'll kill who you hate, take off that dress, you won't freeze
One more night, that was a good one
One more night, i dreamed it was a good one
One more, one more night, that was a good one
One more night, the end should be a good one
A good one
He starts with her back cause that's what he sees
When she's breaking his heart she still fucks like a tease
Release to the sky, look him straight in the eye
And tell him that now, that you wish he would die
You'll never touch him again so get what you can
Leaving him empty just because he's a man
So good when it ends, they'll never be friends
One more night, that's all they can spend
One more night, that was a good one
One more night, i dreamed it was a good one
One more, one more night, that was a good one
One more night, the end should be a good one
A good one
|
| |
| Derek just randomly decided to call me and tell me he missed me. I stood up for myself. He said, "This is weird, I'm not used to feeling hostility from you." Fuck yea! I deserve an applause. It's taken me four years to stand up to that piece of shit.
I'm going to New York in a week and a half for my parent's 25th anniversary. Paulson has a show in Jersey the day we get in. My parents are letting me go, and stay the night with my friend at his house in Jersey after he plays. I think someone else has taken over my parents body.
I love my life right now. I have been living more than ever...and it feels amazing. I always talked about how I wanted to feel alive. I do. |
| |
| I am a different person. I have a new obsession. I have new goals. I am not scared....of anything. Thank God for people who can show you a completely different world. |
| |
